Heart Stopper

Typically my kids walk home from school with a neighbor.  They arrive home about 10 minutes after school gets out.  Jamison always drops his backpack out front and plays for a bit so when I went to bring him in yesterday to get a snack and homework he was nowhere to be found.  I knocked on many of our neighbor's doors and NOBODY had seen him anwhere.

At that point I was mentally somewhere in between giving myself a peptalk that he was ok ....just at a friends house and didn't tell me....or something.....and then a million other things that resembled all those horrible news stories of kids being abducted.  I left two of the kids with a neighbor and took Amy up to the school to help me look around. 

Since there are so many wackos out there the schools now are completely gated in and very difficult to get into during off school hours.  Luckily we found an open side gate.  Still my mind was racing....and I was trying to hold it together and remain calm.  I walked into his classroom and found his teacher.  I told her I couldn't find Jamison....with tears welling up in my eyes.  She said "oh I think he went to book club."

Ugh...so I rushed into the library where they typically have book club....still trying to hold back tears.  Apparently they were having a staff meeting with almost all the teachers....and I saw a couple of kids.  They all stared at me as I swung the door open a little frantically.  I quickly looked around hoping to see Jamison's face but only saw a couple of kids....most likely children of the teachers.  I wasn't exactly thinking rationally at that point so all I could think of was that Jamison was not in there and he really was gone.  I told them I couldn't find Jamison (they all know me since I'm always on campus with PTA stuff) and then the tears just started flowing.  Amy's teacher and the principal took me aside  and I told them he was supposed to be at book club.  They rushed me over to where book club was moved and the principal went in to make sure he was there.  By now I was a complete mess so I couldn't go into the room without making a huge scene.  Jamison WAS in book club.    

So how is it possible to be relieved, frantic and mad at the same time?  I don't know but that was me.  I was relieved because Jamison was safe, frantic because my emotions were boiling over and mad because he told me he didn't want to participate in book club and refused to read the book so I didn't even have it on my calendar. 

So I waited outside on a nearby bench until it was over at which point he came out and said , "hey."  Hey?  For 45 minutes I couldn't find my kid while thinking of all the horrible scenarios and yet when I see him he has no clue what I had just been through.  He said he told me the night before he was going to book club...which of course I have no recollection of.

I calmly gave him the whole "if you are going anywhere please let me know" talk......and that was it.  Thank goodness I was able to have time to calm down beforehand otherwise I would have been a blubbering mess.

In the meantime poor little Amy stood by my side the whole time witnessing her mom totally losing it in front of the entire school staff.....

I'm grateful I know where all of my kids are right now.

Did you know sea turtles just lay their eggs, cover them up and walk away?  The baby turtles hatch and figure things out on their own from there.  Sometimes I wish I was a sea turtle.